Category Archives: Updates

A Rose is a Rose is a Rose…

Completely nonsensical title I know. This is to mark the change in my blog heading. It has been called “The Poison Pen Chronicles” since 2007, I think. So that’s six years. But since turning 29 this January, I’ve come to terms with my being past the usual marrying age and learned to poke fun on it. That is not to say I’ve never been in a relationship. I’m not quite sure what to make of my “relationship” status as of the moment (the song “Hot n’ Cold” by, ye gods, Katy Perry  pretty much sums it up). Anyway, the choice of title should be pretty easy to figure out. I’m quite Nerdy and one year away from being labeled a spinster. 😀

I swear to hold a Spinster’s Day celebration when I reach 30 and wear a shirt that says “They say the clock is ticking. I say “Frak it! ” and keep moving!” Not the wittiest statement I can come up with at the moment.  😛

Marriage for marriage’ sake is one of the worst decisions anyone can make (short of purposely ingesting poison) in my opinion. Not that the constant niggling from “concerned parties”  haven’t affected me from time to time, but it’s not like I can hold Hugh Jackman or George Clooney hostage and propose marriage behind the barrel of a shotgun.

Besides, I am quite happy with the way my life is at the moment. No sense in upsetting the balance with completely idiotic sentiments. And no I’m not in the least bitter. 😀

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Odds and Ends (Wednesday 11/23/11)

As you can probably tell, I changed my theme yet again (a little drabble with Photoshop to create the banner). This is in anticipation of the “Hunger Games” movie. Forget Bella, Katniss is a heroine truly worth caring about. I’d like to make this post much longer, but I’m really sleepy. 😛

A Disquiet Follows My Soul..

(Listening to: “I Cut Class” by Christopher Libertino)

Now that is one really bad-ass title.

No. I didn’t come up with that. I just borrowed one of the episode titles from Battlestar Galactica. But it is true in essence, as a certain “disquiet follows my soul”.  Now before I get accused of excessively complaining (which considering that this is my blog and all, I can pretty much do if I wanted), I’m not.  Maybe it’s an existential thing, something about not being able to achieve your true potential (this is not an ego thing either – come to think of it I have a pretty healthy self esteem, but not of the Kanye West variety).

Anyway, before I get sidetracked by these parenthesis or whatever is the plural for parenthesis, I just want to say that although I am grateful for all the things I’ve achieved last year and hopefully this year too. I feel as though I have traded something that is an important part of myself. That is being able to be me. Contrary to my considerably well groomed appearance (see picture on the side bar, which although far from looking like Angelina Jolie, is 100 times better looking than the Yeti – no offense intended, in case the aforementioned Yeti is reading this instead of being busy scaring mountaineers); I rather enjoy being a slob, meaning in the olden days before I discovered that people tend to be total assholes when it comes to judging one’s appearance, I tend to not take a bath for “a while” or just go with whatever I happened to pull out of my closet and not comb my hair (really, that’s done on purpose).

That’s my idea of an extended “F*ck You!” to this “lookist” and superficial society we have.  I mean my mental capacity was in no way diminished if I do not go out looking like I have an entourage of stylists. That’s true in theory. I rather enjoyed seeing people’s reactions when I come in looking like a hippie during job interviews to corporate haunts where people are mostly expected to appear  like their clothes came from (insert designer brand here). They’d assume -very incorrectly- that whatever’s going to come out of my mouth would sound like this “gobbledy-gook-gfagakstbhshnks”, some interviewers would be a bit surprised that I sound articulate. How superficial can you get, really. Or that must be some primal instinct at work (that we tend to turn away from all that is unclean – even unclean looking – as it reminds us of death and decay).

Miraculously, I managed to snag some rather nice jobs through sheer force of will or talent, which again has nothing(!) to do with my face. But all through out I get a lot needling from some ehem..very well meaning people that I should really do something about my appearance. Something along the lines of  “why don’t you wear some make up?”, “buy decent clothes”  and “stop eating siomai and halo-halo three times a day”. That sort of insidious assault eventually got to me and I started cleaning up my “hobo-in-the-city” act. So now, instead of being out of the house in 30 minutes or so I have to spend an hour at most on all these rituals for the sake of being more conventional. What I’m actually saying here amidst all these ramblings is that I miss the days when things were a lot simpler, when I spend hours and hours holed up in my room just drawing, or reading. My ultimate question is that will there be a time when people would eventually get past judging by appearance and focus more on character? (oh my, what a lovely cerebellum you’ve got! ha ha) .

The alternative is to run to the hills and live the rest of my life as some kind of hermit. But well, I guess we have “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to blame.

Enough of that for now. Time for some randomness.

I cut my finger yesterday while “heroically” washing the dishes that someone left on the kitchen sink the night before. The big bad cup with the sharp edges got me. I didn’t realize that the cut was deep enough that I did not pay attention to it, not until I saw copious amounts of blood in the sink. So I decided to rummage around looking for plain old Band-aid, as bleeding to death from such a small cut is definitely not an option. No, I did not start crying either. But alas no Band Aid can be found in the immediate vicinity. Had to run to the store. Lesson learned? Aside from be careful when washing dishes and throw out those potentially dangerous cups with broken “ears”. Always have some first aid materials at home, that way you won’t be hard pressed to buy some gauze from the nearest drugstore while trying to hold your intestines together (now that sounds a little extreme, but really you never know).

I think it’s time for some “Sanity Maintenance Day”. That’s when you attempt to preserve your waning grip on reality by devoting some due time on activities you enjoy (in my case that’s taking long walks or drawing or conversing with someone I miss badly). Well, if you’re the type of person who enjoys staring at the ceiling all day that’s fine too. I remember the last time I took “Sanity Maintenance Time” for five months in between jobs. I thoroughly enjoyed sleeping at the local park (like your everyday homeless person), drawing, writing on my journals and eating nothing (well, maybe not that part so much, as I like to eat). But you’ve got to live with the consequences  (the reason I spent so much time in the park was that I’m trying to escape the daily dose of potent nagging courtesy of my mother. Things like it’s time you pull your head out of the clouds as there are bills to be paid). So there, I want to go somewhere faraway on Saturday (that is if that certain someone does not show up).

I recently discovered “San Marino Tuna Paella”. It’s pretty good. The ultimate lifesaver for people like me who have problems with cooking properly. The tuna is already mixed with rice (as any normal paella dish would go). You can eat it straight out of the can. It’s Friday (last day on the job this week). Perfectly alright to stay up a little late. Don’t feel sleepy yet. Although I’m hungry.

I rarely watch TV these days (even the news, I can always get them on any DOT-com versions of the news channels anyway). I despise the current content of Philippine local TV. Especially the prime time, not to be snobbish or worse a “colonialist”, but I absolutely cannot relate to any of the characters they put out. The same reason I never watch Sex and the City or Gossip Girl, I find them shallow. I’d much rather indulge in sci-fi. But that’s me. I downloaded the DVD /Torrent incarnations of some shows (on cable) that managed to catch my attention. I liked “The Event” recently. I don’t expect it to be on the same level as Galactica, but there’s a lot of potential for character development and more (exciting? horrific?)  revelations. I haven’t picked any favourite characters yet. Although I am partial to Simon Lee, President Elias Martinez and Sophia Maguirre (I find her very interesting).

Just encountered a very bad-ass name at work. It’s Tywanda Bloodworth. I imagine not many people would want to mess with you if you’re named as such. Kudos to the parents (along with the wise ancestors, who had enough sense to pick the name).

Kapag inaalat nga naman…(aka Ang Problema *bow*)

Ang problema nga naman, pag dumadating, talagang sinusulit ang oras nya (parang salot lang eh). At natataon pa na madami ka na ngang personal na problema (na ang dahilan rin ay ang bulok na sistema ng hustisya sa bansang ito), aba ito na namang mga lider ng iyong bansa (na talaga namang hikahos na at umaasa na lang sa TAX ng mga manggagawa at  OFW) ay ayun at nagpapasarap sa lupang banyaga. Kakarinig ko lang kahapon sa radyo nitong “dinner” ni PGMA sa isang kilalang  restaurant sa New York,  na umabot umano sa $20,000 USD (na ang katumbas ay mga kulang kulang sa 1 milyong piso). Grabe, yung halagang yon eh mareresolba na ang krisis pinansyal ng mga 5000 pamilya (ayon sa isang grupo) dito. May mga caviar at mga lobster salad pa akong naririnig sa menu. Eh kahit yung buntot ng lobster eh hindi ko pa natikman sa buong buhay ko. Ayos lang sana na magdinner sila doon kung hindi hirap at gutom ang mga tao dito sa Pilipinas. Kaya nakakadismaya, kuba ka nga sa pagkayod, yung tax mo na pagkalaki-laki eh winawaldas lang pala nila! Talagang Adobe Photoshop na ang kakapalan ng mga mukha! Kahit pa sabihing so Congressman ang nag-foot ng bill mula sa sarili nyang pera (w/c I seriously doubt), wala ba silang mga delikadesa??

At sa mga personal ko namang problema, na gabundok talaga at hindi ko na ididitalye. Ang ikinakainis ko ay halata namang mali ang ginawa ng kabilang panig (kahit basahin mo ang konstitusyon), ay nagiging tama sa tingin ng ilan (ang mga hinayupak na barangay officials, police at PAO), dahil sa may pera at impluwensya yung kalaban. Katulad ng advice ng isa kong kamag anak “e dapat kayo ang magpakumbaba, wala kasi kayong pera”. Samakatwid, wala ka nang karapatang ipaglaban kung ano ang tama dahil wala kang salapi?? Kailan pa naging Plutocracy ang sistema ng bansang ito?? Kung sabagay parang ganoon na rin naman eh. Nagtataka pa ang ilan kung bakit panay ang alis ng mga tao dito.

Sana lang itong krisis na dinadanas namin e hudyat ng mas maayos na panahon na darating. Sabi ng iba, “The Sun Shines at Midnight.” Hindi lang ito Midnight eh, Deep Space na (parang literal na binura ang nakaraang labing apat na taon ng buhay namin). Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan eh, wala naman akong pinatay, hindi naman ako manyak (heheh), meron akong ilang pagkakautang (na hindi ko naman kinakalimutan at balak ko pa namang bayaran); eh ako pa ang natamaan ng ganito kasagwang problema. Samantalang ang iba ay panay ang pangungurakot sa kaban ng bayan, eh lalo silang yumayaman. Wala yatang hustisya sa mundong ibabaw. Kay Joc Joc Bolante nyo na lang ilipat ang problemang ito Lord, please?

Sa totoo lang hindi talaga namin maintindihan kung papaano lalabas sa problemang ito (nang hindi nagkakalasoglasog), para kaming nabiktima ni Jigsaw. Inaamin ko naman na may pagkukulang rin ako, pero sana naman kung talagang may “divine power” nga, eh mabigyan ng konting break (nang hindi ko naman kailangang i-cannibalize ang sarili ko). Sabagay, baka naman binibigyan lang ako ng “material” para sa librong susulatin ko sa hiniharap.

Baka naman matanong pa kung bakit panay ang katchang ko dito? (hahaha) Wala naman, nagpapahayag lang ng opinion, na I’m sure entitled pa naman ako kahit sayad na sayad ang katayuan namin ngayon sa buhay.

P. S.

Wag magbasa ng mga gawa ni Joseph Conrad pag marami kang problema.

Pansin ko rin lang, “when things get messy, you are on your own”.

“..out on a limb..”

Listening to: “Shatter” by Feeder

Reading: “The Night Watch” by Sergei Lukyanenko ( decided to give it a rest with “Journeys” for a while), plus excerpts of “Diana: In Search of Herself” by Sally Bedell Smith, and I found this most interesting passage(s) – some of which I can “relate” to:

..In fact, her friends supplied only partial and often contradictory views, because she was incapable of fully revealing herself to anyone…

…she was so mercurial. Even those close to her had trouble grasping what was going on in her mind. Her moods were volatile, causing her friends and relatives to walk on eggshells to avoid provoking her. “Sometimes she appeared to change from one moment to the next,” her second cousin Robert Spencer told me. “One time she would be sweet and glad to see you, the next she would be distant.”

These frequent shifts in her personality reflected her fragile sense of herself and the turbulence of her emotions.

Well, enough of that. I’ve made several updates on the website as well. The December 2007 calendar is up (featuring Jane Eyre) and I decided to add another page – https://leiaskywalker.wordpress.com/past-calendar-designs/ , just a collection of my old Calendar layouts.

I’ll be damned. I may have to jump to the nearest bridge soon or else retreat to Batanes Islands. Do you know how it feels like to have an “ax” hovering over your head? Ready fall at the slightest provocation? I know I do. It appears I’m hell bent on “digging my own grave”. How else could I explain my latest move? Once again my recklessness got the better of me.

page updates 02-04-07

done numerous updates today. New pages. New Entries.

HRH The Lady Vader (the “about me” link) – picture and sig added.
The Artist (changed title and resized the pictures)
Soundtrack (new page. will feature song related things)
Playlist (new page under Soundtrack)
The Book Worm (book reviews)
BookList (new page under The Book Worm)
The Movie Critique (movie reviews featuring The Prince & Me 2 and United 93)
Movie Collection (new page under Movie Critique)