Today’s topic: Drama Kings (and Queens to a little extent)
Been reading articles such as “How to Spot a Drama King” and “Signs You Are Dating A Drama King/Queen” lately. Because for some reason, I seem to “attract” quite a bit of people like these. When in reality “Drama” in a person is one of my biggest deal breakers. On a related note, I am currently enforcing a “Zero Tolerance Policy for Excessive/Unnecessary Drama, Bullshit and Lack of Respect”; warnings are usually given though (I have a “three strikes and you are out” policy. If I happen to care a lot about a person I might give 2 or three more extra chances, and I consider that very generous on my part.) Repeat offenders and violators will be ruthlessly severed from my life (very much like a doctor would remove a tumor) regardless of the nature of the relationship, and how long we have known each other (family, friends and significant others are on “equal footing”.)The “cutting-off” is most of the time, more an act of self-preservation rather than “hate” or for punitive purposes. The logic behind this is that I only have a limited amount of energy and if a person repeatedly “sucks it out” from me faster than I can say Lestat, then where does that leave me?
But first things first, what is “Drama”?
“Drama” is anything that causes you to waste your most valuable currency; mental energy. If there’s anything in your life that you’re thinking about that you don’t like, any friendships that cause negative emotions over positives…or any environment which you exist in that effects your emotional state in a negative way.” (this is according to one commentary on one of the blogs I was reading earlier, and is pretty spot on.)
A bit of “history” now.
- My childhood was fraught with drama; At one point during my teenage years, I declared a moratorium on all excessive displays of emotion. This was often mistaken for “coldness” and “lack of emotion” -insert eye-roll here- which is never the case. My emotions tend to run deep, although expressing them in excess -especially anger- tend to tire me (I remember one case I was so upset, I couldn’t breathe literally). So like I said, I found a way early on to “regulate” my emotions. I also swore at the age of 12 that “my ideal relationship will be drama-free” (the volatility of my aforementioned childhood also made me quite “mature” in thinking for my age).
- So fast forward to my adult years, working on my technique and reading books (the usual nerdy pursuits). Then for some reason, I’ve had a relationship with a guy who seems to thrive on creating drama (although I realized it quite late into the “partnership”). He sure had good points (I think) at the beginning, but mostly with him it’s the “Battle of the Mundane”, “Shake the Dead Rat Repeatedly”, “Hey Jealousy”, the “Passive-Aggressive Attack Mode” and the dreaded “Explain Why The Earth is Flat Using Quantum Physics In French” (in other words, the impossible). And did I mention the “Nostradamus Is My Middle Name Act”?Saying being with him was exhausting would be the understatement of the century. So well, I finally “hit my head” after a few years and now I am back on track. Excellent right? In some ways, that was an “eye-opener” (and mostly the cause of my “No Drama Policy”), enabling me to detect “red flags” into any future relationships.
But then, here is another example of the drama I’ve had to deal with recently:
- I was communicating with this guy for a while now (a “potential partner”) and everything seems to be going well. But then we seem to have hit the “asteroid belt” of conversation and “Houston, We Have A Problem”! He is good-looking, witty, funny and educated as far as I can tell (we are even on the same wavelength, Star Wars fan too! Yey!) So naturally, there is the “flirting” stage with all the “sweet nothings” etc. Then of course, like any adult, you move to the actual getting to know each other phase (which is paramount in getting a “picture” of the person with whom you might potentially spend the rest of your life with). I answer his questions as honestly as I could (without discussing things which I deem would be in “poor taste”), but when I’m the one asking questions he avoids it faster than Han Solo could shoot Greedo. I let it go and switch to more “sweet nothings” for a bit, but I’ve noticed that at his age the guy tends to use the word “crush” repeatedly (I must suppress the urge to go all “Buffy” and say, “My God! Are you twelve?!”) Then, when I have not answered a message at the speed of light, asked me “Have you lost interest?” and “Am I that easy to forget?” For all we know I could be in the bathroom, working on my drawings and generally performing tasks which are essential to the business of living. I am at a loss on how to proceed at this time. But I’ll figure it out eventually.
I know this makes me sound incredibly “bitchy” and “mean”, but I value respect more than “romance” in any relationship. The shallow romance eventually fizzles-out but if you have genuine respect and true friendship with your partner, then that is a relationship that will withstand any test (I’ve seen it from many good people I know). You would forgo the need to “constantly monitor” or “control” your partner because you know that they truly respect you as a person of value and therefore avoid anything that would cause you hurt and loss of dignity. Anything based on that is carved in Adamantium (#geekmode). Well that’s what I believe.
I also believe in constant self-improvement and enjoying life as much as I can. I just needed to get this out of my system, hence the necessity of this post. 😉